The seat of my Guru

I remember a few days ago closing the door of my guesthouse with my backpack on, ready to move on. There was a pause just before the door closed where in a moment, it was like a film strip played through my mind on fast forward. That same morning Karla and Carly (our new friend from London) had left for Delhi and then home and I was now stepping out on my own. In that moment, I realized this whole trip just changed. I paused, closed my eyes and set strong intention. This is now a trip for me. There is no one else here to concern myself with but myself. I bow my head to my teacher, Mother India. Thank her for all the lessons and guidance I have received and express my love. Nothing about this trip has been decided by me. Everything has been offered to Spirit, I'm open to be guided, ready to receive whatever teachings are necessary for my highest good.

I've mentioned how I feel I have to be careful what I ask for here - well here's another example. As I shut that door and set my intentions, I decided I wanted to be on my own, in quiet contemplation and meditation. I have signed up for a 10-day course which is an introduction to Tibetan Buddhism taught by Buddhist Nuns where I take a vow of silence throughout the course. Perfect. Before that is to happen, I had to finish up the course I signed up for here in Rishikesh and have 5 days off. It seemed on the first day solo that I would really have to work to be alone. I had just completed a great course, made a whole bunch of new amazing yogi friends and it was fun to hang out with everyone. I've really been enjoying hearing everyone's stories. Of course, you all know how much I love to talk, so there wasn't a whole lot of quiet contemplation happening. Then - I lost my voice. In one day, without much warning - my voice is gone. I can whisper and that's about it. Well, I asked for silence right? I am amazed how much more silence there is in this world without my voice! Haha!

So - to complete the story of moving out on my own. One of the girls we met along the way talked a lot about seeing signs as guidance on her path. I moved into a new place closer to the yoga school. The guesthouse host was walking me to my room, we stopped right beside door 108 - a very auspicious number in the yoga world. I was thinking - hum. I'd like to stay in 108. Then I realized - I'm in 109. If you look at a mala, there are always 108 beads and then one more - the Guru bead. The 109th bead. As I walked through the door to my new home, I realized: Now, I sit at the seat of my Guru. It's time to heal me. No more looking outward, no more teaching, no more searching for something outside of my self. I now sit at the seat of my Guru for me. Full studentship, no more walls, only truth. Only love.

I'll be heading into noble silence soon, so there will be no communication from me in any form. Until I re-emerge - I'm sending love and light to all of you.

This place really is a magical wonderland.