A Test of Truth

One of the most profound experiences of my travels was a moment when truth struck me so clearly it was like the time-space continuum stopped. I was walking with a friend and as it all started to unravel - all I could say was: "Can we find a tree? Get in nature? Some where I can be still?" I couldn't think about anything else, let alone find my way to a quiet place. Like a champ and a great friend, I was guided to a safe place where trees were abundant and the blue expansiveness of the sky was breath taking.

We entered an ashram courtyard in Rishikesh. At the entrance there were men keeping a watch on the place. It was perfect because we had to pause as we entered. I was silently in my own process of an impending melt down. My friend was in a creative space with a camera and beautiful scenery to capture, paying little attention to me.

In that moment of pause at the entrance, I could feel the devotional energy of the Akashik field.  It felt like I went home. The ancient ashram hugged me in and whispered to me that it's okay to break here. I found a slanted, hammock-like tree to lean my spine into and fully sink into the truth that was being revealed to me at that moment. It was a clear answer to a question I had been pondering for much of my journey. The main reason for my trip. Never in my life have I had a prayer answered so clearly and concisely. As my whole body sunk into the tree trunk, I felt my organs melt into my back body, as if they realized that there was no need to hold on. The structure of all life was there to support me so completely as this download of High lesson was upon me. In that moment, I realized that the only way to live this life is to embody truth in the fullest manner possible. In that moment, I made a promise to myself to live life following the truth of my Heart.

Enter Bali. 

I am here for an Advanced Yoga Teacher Training with Ally Bogard of Gaiatri Yoga and Beyond. On the first night we introduced ourselves and were asked to share two things:

• What flowed well to get you here?
• What resistances tried to get in the way of you coming here?

I was the second last person to answer. As soon as the questions were asked, I knew the answer. EVERYTHING flowed ridiculously well to get me here and there were ZERO resistances in the way. Nothing. Really. There was one point when I thought finances were going to be a problem and before I could complete the thought, a text message came through indicating that the Universe was supporting me financially to be here. When I left India, there was nothing holding me there. I left with nothing grabbing at my mind or  tugging at my energetic body. On my last day, in the most peaceful way, I paused for a  precious moment with the Ganga while crossing the Laxman Jhula bridge one last time as I started my journey to the Delhi airport. Bali is exactly where I am supposed to be on Planet Earth right now. It was so clear. 

As everyone started introducing and answering the questions, most everyone had something. It really doesn't matter what was holding people back - what mattered is that I felt this urge to try to fit in. Something in me at that time thought - maybe I wasn't digging deep enough? If most everyone else feels that there were some type of resistance, I must have had something. When it was my turn to talk - I made something up about selfishly wanting to stay in India longer. I compromised my truth to fit the status quo. It wasn't a big deal outwardly to anyone else, but as I started to close down the night, it really bothered me. Why did I do that? Why would I compromise my truth on something so simple? My main desire in life is to Serve selflessly. That doesn't even make sense. Was it a fear of being boisterous? Was it an effort to be polite? I don't know exactly.

In the morning I woke up with a new perspective. Every day in our lives we are pushed and pulled in so many different directions. There are requests, demands, responsibilities and expectations. In fulfilling all these duties in the past, I feel at times I have compromises of my truth. Some times really small and other times quite large. It was a test of the application of the lesson from that day in Rishikesh. This is my first integration into life back home after India (sort of) and I faltered in a challenge at the biggest lesson of my entire journey! It wasn't a big deal, but a great lesson. So, I thank the lesson and start again. I'm not saying that I will never compromise again, but on the things near and dear to my heart - I must be true.